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Let’s hear it for the mascots
One of the hazards of my line of work is that I often find myself in the company of mascots. How can you not love Petey? He’s a petrel. He’s got amazing moves. He likes Chick fil-A chicken biscuits. I...
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I can’t quit college football
My ambivalence toward college football has reached new heights. I don’t even know how to calculate which week of the season it is, but in real time, they have been playing college football games since...
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Seeing people you know
When we first moved to Lilburn, Ga., way back in “aught three,” we developed a metric to identify when it would feel like home: My Darling Beloved and I knew Lilburn was home when we took our then...
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Retired band parents
Last Friday night as I sat on my comfy sofa in my air conditioned house, I turned to my Darling Beloved and said, “Do you know where we would have been at this exact time four years ago?” “In a...
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Brush up Your Shakespeare
I don’t know about you, but I’m a little rusty when it comes to Shakespeare. Ol’ Willie Shakes and I have a history. We had some issues over “Macbeth” back in college (a long and hilarious story for...
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In the spotlight
I am living a nightmare. You know the one in which you find yourself on stage or in front of a class or maybe even in a boardroom, performing, lecturing or presenting and you suddenly realize you are...
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Back to school part two: Harris’s senior year
Another week, another last first day of school in the Wallace family. Last week, we sent Carlton back to school for his senior year of high school. Today, my Darling Beloved and I send our middle son,...
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Back to school part one: Carlton’s senior year
Carlton’s senior portrait I’ll spare you the passage of time cliches and just leave it at, “I am astounded that my youngest son will begin his senior year of high school this week.” There are still...
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Don’t ‘worry,’ Brian Bates’ new comedy special delivers
We at New South Essays have made it our mission to keep you informed of events that both reflect and impact contemporary Southern culture. Such a moment occurred last night (July 24, 2026) when...
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When a conversation turns Southern
I love when a conversation turns Southern. My day job recently had me in our nation’s capitol for a conference. These events are catnip to me. My extroversion explodes. Meeting new people, making...
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Winner of the 2026 World Cup
Six games remain in the 2026 edition of the FIFA World Cup, and New South Essays is prepared to announce the winner… Waffle House. FreddyLA7’s original post on X June 8 that launched a viral Waffle...
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Umbrellas and chairs
During our 21st visit to the white sand beaches of Florida’s Emerald Coast along County Road 30A, I took particular interest in the daily ritual of setting up and taking down beach chairs and...
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The Lord of the Pond
Frodo Baggins set out to destroy the One Ring, defeating Sauron and saving Middle Earth from the forces of darkness. Luke Skywalker learned the ways of the Force in order to overcome his fear,...
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Atlanta Geese
When a species has a specific geographical location in its name, it’s just common sense that the species would call that place home. I’m not clear if “Tasmanian Devil” is a whole species or just the...
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It’s for you
No one in the New South answers their phone any more. Well, almost no one. I have recently stumbled onto an interesting sociological discovery, and I want to test a hypothesis here and gauge your...
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Too many attachments
I’ve been a functional human being doing just fine with my iPhone 11 for several years, but the confluence of two unfortunate events is undermining my daily operations. First, Apple released iOS 26.5....
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When in Texas
I am a man of principle. One of my core principles is that when I am in Texas, I must consume brisket and Tex-Mex. Oh, and if it works out, I will try to hang out with my moogerhead brothers. This...
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On the campaign trail with the birthday boy
Today the future governor of Georgia turns 21. Harris Goodman Wallace was born on this date in 2005, and almost from that moment until the present, he’s been campaigning. We didn’t know it at the...
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My podcast cup runneth over
There aren’t enough hours in the day to consume all of the world’s content, and it’s a problem. It’s especially acute if you are like me and believe that entertainment is not meant to be enjoyed but...
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A walk in the park
When my Darling Beloved assembled an amazing itinerary for a four-night stay in New York City for our youngest’s spring break, I expected a few of its features: Spending quality time away from work on...
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